Tuesday 24 November 2009

Why oh why oh why?

According to those faceless Brussels bureaucrats, it is apparently NOT OK to punch an owl anymore. Well, I say ‘punch’, but I understand that the new EU Owl Twatting Directive is so heavy-handed that it makes it nigh on impossible to even push an owl, nudge it, encourage its movement via gentle prodding, tell it forcibly to get a shift on or otherwise interfere with its normal movement in any way at all. Ludicrous!


There is even some debate as to whether run-of-the-mill general anti-owl sentiment contravenes the Directive. Many eyes are watching the upcoming test case brought against a Spanish punk group who appear to be in trouble after recording a song with a title that loosely translates as “I get you with the stick, owl-twat.”

Long gone are those carefree summer evenings in the country spent goading owls with branches, batons, drills, claw hammers and good old fashioned fists. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised to find that fists themselves have now been banned.

It’s Euro political correctness gone mad, I tell you. The trouble with these Euro-cretin-crats (see what I did, there?) is that they are bloody townies with precious little understanding of the lives of us hard done by rural folk.

Whereas they like to sit around in polyester suits drinking bottled lagers and talking about international house price inflation, we like nothing better than to wear the same trousers for weeks on end, drink our own urine and develop impressively deep seated psychological problems over a number of years. If chalk and cheese really did represent the polar ends of some long line of difference, then chalk and cheese we would be. But are chalk and cheese really that different? Do they really have that role in day-to-day life? No! Just another one of those urban-originated lies.

Where is this going? You may well ask. I’m not here to provide you with all the easy answers though. Oh no. You’ll have to work things out for yourself. Take some responsibility, for Christ’s sake, I’m not your Dad.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

are you copying and bettering my blog header. I have no childe to put on mine though. You win, for now, you knave!

Luther said...

'Copying' sounds so mundane. 'Thieving' is better, I feel.

Anonymous said...

Come on Luther, we need more blogging. Dance, little bear, Dance!