Wednesday 24 June 2009

Thank you First Great Western, but...

I know how to sit down, I know how the sodding doors work, I know what a buffet car sells - there's no need to list every item individually although I thank you for confirming to me that tea and coffee are examples of hot drinks, that cold drinks can be either carbonated or non-carbonated and that possible sandwich fillings include cheese, ham, chicken and tuna,
I know where my bag is, I promise not to leave it behind and thus spark a terrorist incident, I know there's a bloody step - I've seen them before you know, I know where I just got on, I know what time it is, I know it's no smoking anywhere on the train and I know that "anywhere on the train" includes the bits in between the carriages and not just the carriages themselves, I know there is a safety leaflet in front of me but I remain to be convinced of its usefulness and will only attempt to read it if we actually crash, I don't care where first class is but I do know I'm not in it, I know 'Coach A' is supposedly a quiet carriage but I bet they still have to listen to this shite so how quiet is it really? I know the name of the next town we're stopping at and I appreciate that I need to have a ticket for my trip. Now, will you please you shut the fuck up for one bloody minute so I can hear my music?

Oh look... we're coming to another station. Best run through all that again for the benefit of these two people here.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I hate the way on trains in general, they refer to you and 'yourself'. "Any drinks for yourself?", as a sort of pseudo formality...by saying 'yourself' it makes you seem uber polite and efficient, but grammatically incorrect. "would you like a drink?" Yes please, "any drinks for yourself?" MYself, oooo how posh.